Life & Pain

Timothy My Dear Son,

Expecting a painless life is somehow akin to expecting lifelessness.

Although humans are complex; norms, expectations and patterns are usually observed as a proxy to matters in our life. For example, being diagnosed more often relies on symptoms observed in a patient’s health life although more rigorous diagnostics can further be used. Today I also learnt that, a newborn’s cry is generally taken to be the first sign of survival and life also that it can be worrying if a new-born does not cry after delivery. The matter is not as straight forward or always true since it is said that there is a numerous number of new-borns who do not cry after birth but are still healthy. But in a majority of cases, it is said to be worrying if they don’t cry and could be an indication of asphyxia (oxygen deprivation), congenital conditions or even birth injuries among other things. Rigorous diagnostics like Apgar Testing (evaluation of the baby’s physical condition like Heart rate, respiration, reflexes etc) may then be caried out amongst other evaluations. There are critical implications of inaction when the new-born does not cry which includes brain damage or even death in unfortunate situations because of possible conditions tied to the initial symptom. Although this is much more complicated that this, I believe there are a few things that can be learnt from this, which might not always apply but in most cases will apply.

Understand this; Life is not a pure slope covered in cushions of jelly, therefore, at times you will trip in its rough friction and fall into a drowning pool of your own tears. Expecting pain and tears in your life span could save you the anxiety that comes with dreaming about a painless life/or sobbing your own losses into your entire lifespan. In fact, only the lifeless (dead) are rested in peace and do not feel the frictions of this world (A case can be made about the frictions of afterlife and eternity but that’s not todays case). Therefore, expecting perpetual happiness is like expecting to be able to tamper with your past, pure paradox! Why do I say that? Pain, happiness, sadness etc from past experiences are momentary feelings/conditions which can tarry for as long as their spill over into the future or/and as long you re-enforce them. So, you cannot entirely wipe off the past sadness in retrospect or its spill overs, although a case can be made about creating an environment that fosters happiness going into the future. Fostering happiness is not a guarantee of happiness but an approach to embrace, hold unto and interact fully with happiness when it shows up but unfortunately we are not omnipotent and infallible to influence other social agents in our space or time to conspire guaranteed happiness for us at all times….. your partner might hurt you here and there, your friend might hurt you here and there, your family might hurt you here and there, a stranger might hurt you here and there…..so you have no absolute control although you can choose how you internalise what happens to you and around you.

My dear son, the beauty of life is in its frictions, complications and positives [feeling of love, happiness, laughing, sharing etc]. Am not making a case that a life with only gloom will not be ideal although some extreme thinkers can, but am making a case that with what we have currently, and what we can control, both positive and negative emotional experiences are to be expected and learning how to embrace both at their own time while fostering an environment for positivity would be better than sobbing your way into death by expecting only positive emotions in your life.

With Love, 

Your Dear Guardian